you’re standing in
is the office of Dr Katnap
a conceptual artist
at least
this is how
he describes himself
when meeting new people
at social functions
or on the street
yet he also
works as a coroner
we all have to pay the bills
is what he says with a wry smile
whenever he is asked about his job
Katnap sits at his desk
with a plastic veneer
wood grain printed on plastic
the veneer is glued to the chipboard
chipboard is mushed up wood glued back together
wood broken down and reassembled
in order to resemble wood
this idea pleases Katnap
he strokes his chin
how to turn that thought into art
he is suddenly snapped back into the room
there is a vigorous vibration in his pocket
the Dr fishes around in his chinos
it’s a message from me
the author
we met
quite coincedently
on a bench in Battersea Park
I’m asking if he wants to meet up
I have this strange thing
where I befriend
middle aged
middle class
white men
the kind of people
I’m afraid
of turning into
but Dr Katnap ignores me
he wants to get back to his thoughts
how might he exhibit the components of his desk
his doctorate is in art history not medicine
which is a common mistake
that people make
Katnap thinks of the piece
One and Three Chairs
by the artist
Joseph Kosuth
Google it
if you don’t know
to be honest
I don’t think he
ever really moved on
from this point in art history
but if you’re going to be stuck in a time
the sixties sounds a pretty good time to be stuck in
people talk about the excitement and sense of change in the air
the hippies didn’t know that capitalism would win
that they would work dead end office jobs
become property developers
help form Silicon Valley
they didn’t know racism and sexism
would still be such big topics
over half a century later
the artist
searches for his pen
he pushes folders out of the way
one titled Treasure Troves January 2019
did you know coroners are responsible for found treasure
Dr Katnap was the one who told me that
although he is quite dismissive
of his terribly interesting work
he finds another folder
this one he had forgotten about
it is full of photocopies of renaissance paintings
specifically enlargements of hands
how odd that he made it
but can’t remember
doing so
the Doctor's mind
begins to wonder again
his eyes drift about the room
they settle on the floor
mainly covered
by a rug
big rug
it is from Persia
but under the rug is
a cold solid concrete floor
the one you are standing on
Dr Katnap does not like it at all
he thinks it cold and vulgar
buzz buzz buzz buzz
buzz buzz buzz
buzz buzz
for the phone again
now it is covered with his papers
finally he retrieves it
hello it’s Dr Ka..
hi it’s Pat
cuts him
Pat works
at the morgue
something terrible has happened
we have found someone's right hand in the deep freezer
Pat is saying in a panicked tone
it is from a case of yours
it is dated from
over four years ago
Dr Katnap freezes in shock
the thought must have been lingering
in the back of his mind
as he copied
the old
art periodicals
he slams his fist down
on the wood-mush and plastic desk
the blasted thing collapses
he grinds his teeth
and sits
surrounded by
mushed up trees
the desk and folders
scattered on the
cold grey
does not care
about the friends and family
to whom the hand was once apart
he only cares about himself
he does not really care
about a thing

Dr Katnap’s Office
a site specific response to 48 Falcon Road

January 2019, Art Lacuna, London